The Love That Was Once Lost
by Samantha Hill
Summary: Rose awakes in a hospital and has no idea what has happened. She keeps having nightmares that replay every thing from April 15th and can't stop the fear and pain. She begins to forget but will a simple letter change her life? Will she find Jack is alive?
1. Hells massage

Chapter 1: Hells massage

(authors note: ok so yeah it never says what the note from hell is but you should be able to figure it out. Oh yeah and it's my first fanfic so I hope you enjoy)

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The screams filled the emty void as the Titanic faded into complete black abyis. Rose lay still on the slab of hand carved wood that was once a door into the main dining room, while Jack hung by his hands clinging to the doors edge for life. The screams filled roses ears as the last of the titanics deck disappered. She closed her eyes as her own scream strugled to crawl up her throat but her mind and body made her hold it back. She heard them. People sinking, screaming, sobing, reaching out for help, for security. But there was no one. She saw only the black of her closed eyelids. She opened her eyes to see complete panic, thrashing and splashing people, looking for help that wasn't there. Loning for the warmth that would never fill their bodies again. The scream in her throat grew to heavy for her to hold back, buut when it was released all that could be heard was a wimper. A peep, a meer whisper against the black background of agony, of pain. Jacks face was pale, lifeless, frozen in time. Rose touched his cheek with her cold hands, and he stirred, he looked in her eyes as tears swam down her cheeks.

"_It's to late! Nothing'll be ok! It's over, JACK!! Why? Please…." _Her voice faded into the screams an empty voice umong the hundereds of screaming thrashing boies. And everything was still.

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She shot up from the covers, the voices ecoing in her head in her dreams. "NOOOO!!!" Roses body shook uncontrolably inn the hospital bed. "NO this can't be happening!" Her eyes overflowed with tears in agony, "Where's Jack! NO it can't be true! It can't!" She began to sob as her baandaged hands clasped her face in the grib that could shatter glass, her eyes wide with fear, she knew she could never y see through them again, not through the tears, through the memories. "WHYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!" She screamed a blood boiling scream as the doctors rushed in taking her hands away from her face. Her mouth was filled with blood, her blood. Her teath stuck solid in her lower lip cutting at the flesh, peircing veins. The doctorse took hold of her thrashing arms and legs and strapped her to the four bed posts at the ends of the bed. The nurse held a needle to Rose's skin, and waited for the thrashing to subside, but Rose kept moving kept…… swimming… The nurse got her arm still and plundged the needle into the surfaced vein and pressed the suringe as the clear fluid flowd into Rose's blood stream. The doctors left but the nurse remaned. As her movement settled Rose began to open her soggy eyes and the nurse started calmly asking simple questions.

"What year is it Rose?" She began simple working her way to what happened.

"What?" Roses voice was a wisp of mist and was barley above a whisper.

"What year is it?" The nurse calmly repeated her question softly.

"It's 1912."

"What day is it?"

"The 15th of April."

"Thank you you can rest now."

The nurse left to join the three doctors in the hall. And before Rose fell asleep again she heard something that wouold haunt her for months.. "_She still thinks it's April 15__th__." _


	2. Red Rose, Red Rose, why are you so blue?

Chapter 2: Red Rose Red Rose, why are you so blue?

(authors note: sorry about all the errors in the previous chapter I sort of forgot to edit it. Anyway back to the story)

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"Rose." The voice was haunting yet sweet as wine. Rose opened her eyes to see the shining face of the young nurse that had been caring for her.

"What day is it?" The same question that had haunted her dreams entered her head once more, as the nurse searched for answers, for a reason. Rose knew something was wrong that the nurse was searching for something, but what, money, answers, pain, agony, truth?

"April the 15th. I have already told you what day it is. Where's Jack?" Rose searched the room for familiar faces but only saw her reflection in the small mirror across the room.

"Jack?" The nurse's eyes filled with sorrow, and rose knew then that it was true, that jack would never come back. Life wouldn't be the same.

The tears dripped down Rose's cheek slowly but they were still there, silent and calm. Rose's heart raced, yet she did not weep there were no more than a few tears left in her eyes. A small drip in the ocean of sorrow, she had nothing. Her eyes were as green as the stems of the few flowers the doctors had brought to her room to lighten the mood that hung low in the room as a mist over the river. The flowers were multi-colored reds, greens, pinks, and blues. Rose's tears fell away and she sat in silence as the nurse checked her lip were her teeth had been stuck the day before. "You sure did get your teeth in there deep. I don't see how you could've done that through the pain." The nurse inspected each bruise each frost bitten area on Rose's body. "Well you look much warmer today. You gave us quiet a scare there for a while you wouldn't warm up, and you kept moving like you were in the ocean swimming." The nurse carefully rebadged Rose's wounds, pulled up a chair and sat next to Rose's head.

"Why am I so lost?" Rose's word confused the nurse in such a way that words can't describe it, in a way that could never be understood.

"Lost? Your not lost you are here in the hospital that the small cruise ship brought you and the 58 other survivors back to. Why do you say you are lost?

"I have nothing, I am nothing. How can I ever be saved, how can it ever be right?" Rose's eyes filled with tears again, and the nurse silently traced Rose's face with her long white fingers.

"Shhhhh there, there it's ok. Shhhh don't worry. It must be excruciating thinking about your family."

Rose lay in silence the tears running down her cheeks. 'Where is jack?' The question was all Rose could think about. The nurse's soft touch lulled Rose into a light sleep and she entered the dream again.

They were all around in the water, screaming. Jack clung to her hand as rose lay on the door, the water lapping at her side like a dogs tongue licking a bone to get the flavor be for biting in for the kill. The screams were death, were lone, she lay there watching, hoping for a boat to return. No one came. She and jack stuck to the door, as the boats filled with the lucky women and children who had managed to get away from the ship in time. It was too late, they were drifting off. They didn't care. People flowed like honey from a jar towards the boats for a spot to stay, to rest.

She resisted the stream but as she woke her eyes did the screaming themselves. She stood up for the first time since what seemed to be that morning. The night was full and dark, no lights, no life. She walked to the window and pushed the window open a crack and looked out onto the ocean. She breathed in as much air as she could before almost collapsing. She returned to the bed and lay there watching the window blinds on the window flap back and forth in a hepatizing pattern. She was still watching the blinds when the nurse returned. She didn't realize Rose was awake and scolded herself for leaving the window open. "I am so stupid sometimes. How could I have forgotten to close the window. Poor girl is probably cold again." AS she turned around she saw Rose's open eyes. "Oh I am so sorry did I wake you?"

"No, I was already awake. And you can leave the window open I opened it to get some fresh air." Rose watched as the nurse reopened the closed window.

"You mean to say you got up?"

"Of course I got up I can't lay here like a dog that was told to sit and stay. I am not like that. Or I'm not anymore."

"Oh I see."

"I am sorry if I sound snobby, I am just used to living in a huge party with multiple rich couples, and families. I followed like a good girl, but inside I was screaming! But I am now free. Or I guess that's what I am calling it."

"Yes, well I understand, it must be hard going with your parents everywere."

"Well I don't have to worry about that anymore now do I?" She laughed slightly for the first time in days. Her eyes seamed to sparkle with a light that had been blown out and was now relit by a guardian angel.

"Your smile is a wonderful sight." The nurse said with a huge grin on her own face. The two of them sat or in rose's case lay in silence looking into each other's eyes. "Your face is as a red rose in the dark blue night." The nurse said as the silence was broken but her words of such kindness.

"Mother was the opposite; she always said I was a wilting flower in a rich garden. I never believed her." Rose paused as the look in her eyes turned warmer than ever before. "I am glad I am a red Rose to someone and not just a weed that is thrown around to different people to collect money."

"I am sorry that your mother was like that."

"I was used to it, it didn't bother me very much."

"Oh, well I must go check on some of the other people. Keep your smile shining red rose." The nurse smiled in Rose's direction and left the room. Rose felt her heart lift with joy, as the nurse gave her nickname that would last for a life-time; she began smiling broader than she had since the night she danced with Jack in the lower deck of the wonderful titanic.

The next day she got the good news that she could leave that afternoon and return home. 'Home,' the word was a heaven on earth in her eyes. And sue cleared her head from Jacks name for once and walked to the cab that would return her to the palace where she once lived with her parents. The first thing on her mind was 'remodel!' .


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Baby steps

(authors note: ok… I have nothing to say!... this is not normal for me… hmm… oh ok. So these chapter titles really have nothing to do with whats happening but yeah ummm they sortof do so if you don't get why a chapter is titled what it is don't worry. It's not that you can't figure it out it's just my titling skills are sort of umm how to put it….. PATHEDIC! Anyway on with ch. 3)

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Rose sttod by the highway watching horse drawn carrages and cabs passing by. She was off to see the counsolor for the third time that day. Or what seamed to be that day. She noticed a cab coming her way and flagged it down. It came to an abrupt haut near the sidewalk and rose gingerly climbed into the back seat.

"Where to Mm?"

"Well first my name is Rose I have no disire to be called madam!" She said in her usual stibborn tone that her mother hit behind the hondred dollar dresses and the bright red lipstick that was now somewhere in a dump. She paused for this to sink into the drivers head and then continued with the directions, "67th north avenue, it's quickest if you turn left."

The driver realized that she was dealing with someone who didn't like to be told what to do yet found enjoyment in telling others what to do instead. "I am sorry Mm Rose but I know how to drive and the quickest route is to the right."

"No it is not I have been there a thousnd times and I have to get there before 6:00 tonight." Her tone became more hoarse and stern.

"Well I have been driving people there since before you were born!" The driver quickly said without time for her to add to her sentence. This qrgument went on for a little while longer and finally came to the conclution that left was obviouslly the fastest way. They arived at her destination and she quickly placed a tip on the seat in front of her and got out of the car as fast as she could.

'Dosen't he ever clean that car.It's an absolute discrase!' She thought as she walked to the huge oak doors that led into the lower story of a three story building. Both sides of the halls were ligned with doors and offices whith ringing phones throughout the hallway. She walked down the hall and counted for doors on her right. She entered a small white room with small teddy bears all over the floor, the door clearly read: "Room 278 enter only if you are a PAICENT! NO exceptions!" 'well that's a warm welcome' she thought as she entered the room. She sat in a small green ligned chair to wait for the doctor…. Nurse….. sycologist…… thing.

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When she left the building she disided to go to the deparment store and maybe get some paint. When the cab came up everything went black. And she lost feeling and all train of thoughts her universe was empty.

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The room was empty. She sat up slowly and realized she was back in the jail of a hospital. The walls were white as usual and the door was closed so only a sliver of light shone underneath the small crack to small for a small lizard to crall under. She couldn't consintrate on what was happening all she could think about was Jack. 'Where is he?' 'Is he really dead?' 'Where am i?' 'Was I the only survivor?'

As she began to ask herself more and more questions she got losed in her mind and was completely and uterly scared when the door to her dark quiet room opened. The same nurse from that morning walked into her room.

"Hello again, just the bright face I didn't want to see. How do you?"

"Is that a complement or not? And I feel…. Ok… I guess," Rose sat up and looked into the nurses eyes.

"It was a complement I meant that I didn't want to see your face in a hospital bed again. And let me check that bruise." Rose hadn't noticed but her hand was rubbing a very sore spot on the top of her head.

"What happened to my head?" Rose asked in a more trying to remember way than a question.

"When you fell while waiting for a cab you hit your head prtty hard on the sidewalk."

"What was I doing wating for a cab?"

"You had just finished you appointment and were heading home…. I think."

"Oh well, I don't remember waiting for a cab." Rose said with a very puzled tone to her voice.

"Oh? Well I should stop the chitchat and get to the questioons I am suposed to ask you." Rose groanded but didn't argue. "What is the date today?"

"April the 15th 1912. How many times have I told you that today?"

"I haven't seen you since the day before last. Today is the 22nd of April 1912."

"IT'S THE 15th!! I watch them scream! I watched them drown!!!! WHY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!" Rose began thrashing more than ever before and before she could think there were parametics in the room strapping her the bed posts once again.

"Whats happining?!" Yelled the doctor that just entered the room due to the loud screams……

"I THINK SHES HAVING A HEART ATTACK!!!!!!"


	4. Feeling in The Dark For a Sign

Chapter 4: Feeling in the dark for a sign

(Authors note: I greatful for Torie Bones 's review and I welcome all reviews even if they say how much you hate the story I really don't care not everybody likes the same things. So yeah anyway enough of me babbling I take to much space moving my big….. wel I'm not talking so um….. big…. Fingers! Yeah that's it!!)

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The thrashing worsend as the doctors struggled to keep rose from moving. The nurses rushed around gathering needles, swabs, and any medical appliences that could help Rose's heart beat lessen.

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Screams filled the emptiness of eternity. Rose could feel her heart freeze as it beat slower and slower in her chest. She clung to jacks hand and watched in terror. The scene flashed and she saw a great dining hall filled with people eating talking small talk and talking about wealth. The scene flashed again and she saw the ship broken in half falling into the depths of the water. Flash! Back in the water she screamed herself for help for anything. Flash! Again he saw the dining room then the broken ship. Then there was a bright light and bodies floated around her, dead, unmoving, lifeless. The four scenes played over and over. Faster and fast. Until it stopped. Everything stoped.

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The nurse sat with the stethiscope against Rose's pale skin. And the room fell silent. Rose's body lay still on the bed unmoving. Nothing. The nurse checked the beat again and confermed that there was no beat only silence. The doctors and nurses in the room fell silent. The nurse who took care of her so carefully before entered the room only wearing a small skirt and a white short sleaved work shirt. "You called and I came," The nurse gasped, "as soon as I could get the keys from the counter." She stopped and huffed for breath. Then she noticed the stillness the scilence. Her eyes filled with tears as she ran to the bed side and wept, her tears falling on Rpse's cheek and arm. "NOOOOOOOO!" The nurse screamed through the tears. "ROOOOOOSSSSEEE!" A doctor stepped forward and touched the nurses shoulder "No! Leave me alone! Get away from me! Get away from her!" She wept and dug her head in the covers that covered the body of the young Rose.

Seconds later the room was empty, the nurse chose to do the unthinkable. She grabbed the nearest things that could shock with great enough power to manually make the heart beat. She grabbed two metal slabs that lay near the bed and the two cables that lay locked in a safe that only she had the key to. She carefully atached the wires to the metal and inserted it to a station that held a life threatoning amount of electricity.

The metal atomatically started to buz, and she stripped Rose of her night gown and pressed the metal slabs to rose's chest. There was a loud shocking noise and then it was still again.

To avoid anyone intruding one what was probibly and most likey illigal and ruining her try at saving Red Rose's life she closed and locked the door. She moved back checked for a heart beat and as quick as she could shocked her paicent again. 1…2….3…. the nurse counted to 30 and shocked again. Again 1…2….3….4… 30….. Again she shocked. Still nothing. Again and again SHOCK! 30. SHOCK! 30 SHOCK! 30…….

She finally gave up after the sixth try, and sat near the bed crying and gasping for breath. And still all that remained was silence. Stillness only the heaving of the nurses breath broke the silence of the death in the room. Still there was nothing but silence. She wept there and heaved, and tried to breath in the closed room. Her voice was low and quiet "Rose. Please just give me a sign!" Her voice was barly autoble and she returned to her silence and eventully cried herself to sleep. The room was once again still.

(Authors end note: NOOOO the story is not over so don't even think about stopping reading (if you like it) and don't go crying off, it would be way to sad to end it like this pats all who are crying on the back now don't worry I wil update as soon as possible so you guys can stop worying….. lol jk I am not that full of my own writing if you like it AWESOME if you don't well that's fine but yeah still the part about it not being the end is true, and the crying part and pat on the back is true if you are crying. Anyway enough of my blabbering again.. I told myself I wouldn't do that anymore smacks self!…. Bad me! Ok… ok I'm shutting up!!)


	5. Waking UP

**Chapter 5: Waking up**

(authors note: I am sooo sorry for not updating my story in so long! I have been EXTREMLY busy and have not found anytime to sit down and write this next chapter I am sorry! Anyway please don't kill for that lol. Well here's chapter 5)

The nurse stood up after finally disiding it was best to not get fired for trying to electricute a patient back alive. The scilence was all around and the walls became whiter than ever with sorrow.

The nurse still lay there her head on roses body as if she was a statue carved from marble. Just then her head raised a half incha nd fell again. The nurse opened her eyes and looked into Rese's eyes, and saw the color of her face. The light pink in her cheeks, the bark brown of her eye brows, the redness of her hair. She watched her unmoving body as she walked to the door and unlocked it. She was about to walk out when she heard a faint beep in the background of the rome. She stopped in her trakcs yet moved on when she tol d herself it was just from the hall way. Yet now she turned as the beeping became more pronounsed. She turned and saw the heart moniter. As she watched the line moved as straight as can be, and then a surge mmade the thin green line buldge. She blinked her eyes to make sure tat her eyes were just playing tricks on her and when she opened her eyes the green line buldged again and again until the light beeping turned to a constand low beep of green bulges.

The nurse slowly walked to rose's side and saw that her body slowly rose and fell with faint life showing through the cold skin. Rose lay eyes closed chest rising, and falling. The nurse took her hand and felt for he pulse, and she could feel the slight beating in Rose's palm. Her tears began to fall, yet not tears of agany yet tears of joy. She watched as Rose's eyes quiver to life, and the tears fell even more rapidly, and she bent to Roses side, looking into her face.

Roses eyes still twitched off and on yet now she slightly moved her lips.

The cold swept over her body as she lay on the unmving board in the freezing water. Her hand gripped the mans as he rested over the edge of the board in the freezing water. Her face stung like a thousnd iceciclles were stuck in every inch of her skin. She opened her eyes looked at his motionless body.

"Jack, their coming." She weased as she tried to over come the pain in her throut the cold in her cheeks. "Jack." She shook his frozen hand and watched him as the one boat came through the water toward them through the bodies and the staring eyes. "Jack!" she smiled as she watched the boat get steadily closer checking every body for life, for a sign of movement. Her smile faded as he did not move.

"JACK!" She began to try to scream yet her screams turned to whisps of steam coming out of her mouth. "Please! Jack Jack! Please!" She whispered through the glass air that swam around her.

The boat came closer, and then the scene died down. The vision of his body, the baot coming to save her, to save them. It ended.

"JACK!!" The scream filled the room as Rose's eyes flew open to search the room, see the flowers and see his face. But he wasn't there no one was. And then a face apeared in front of her as she lay there eyes still screaming. The nurse's eyes were still filled with tears, and her face still had the trace of despair and shock in it.

Rose's eyes slowly steadied and her movements slowed. And the nurse rested her hand on the side of rose's cheek. "Rest. Please." The nurse whispered to her sweet red rose. "Your alive. Now rest."

Roses eyes closed again and the thoughts filled her mind again. '_That's not the first time I've heard that. And it's not the las timet that I wish I haddened heard it.' _


	6. Chapter 6: A Place In Life part 1

Chapter 6: A Place in Life:

(Authors note: I dedicate this chapter to today (4/15/08) for today marks the 96th anaversory or the sinking of Titanic. May all those qho died rest in peace. This isn't the full chapter and I am sorry about that but yeah enjoy)

The sun shown through the blinds and danced on the white blankets as if it shone on water. The waves of light passed over rose's body as she lay sleeping. Her body only moving to the tempo of her heart, as she floated in the water of her dreams. She no longer had the reacurring nightmares about that morning, or the mans who's face was embeded in her mind. She only saw the future, the preasnt, and the wanted. The sun that passed through the windows all but added to her state of happieness.

The faces lined the inside of her eye lids like stained glass window that hung above the oragan in the church she once attended with her mother and father. It seemed so long ago, but now their faces were so clear, her memory , so vivid, so real. She walked down the isle to where her parents waited for her to take her seats and to wait for the serman to begin. She took her place beside her mother with the straight face she was trained to keep in place. The tightness of the dress around her neck and middle almost made it imposible to breath yet she still sat, motionless, emotionless, a statue in her mothers garden of riches and wonders. She sat like the statue of her mothers angel during the serman, and only when he mentioned love did she look up from her unimportant gaze at the spec of dust in the air behind the pastors head. She found early in her life of marble that if you look very clossly and don't pay attention to anything else you can see small particles of dust and filth in the air, and if you look in the right places it seems as if you are absolutly iintransesed by the speaker and are not able to remove your gaze from them. She looked into his eyes now and a flash of an unfamiliar face flashed in front of her dreaming eyes.

The sun had moved higher in the sky and now shone more directly on her face, the white sheets and linons making her flaming hair stand out even more against the watery background. She slowly opened her eyes blinking a few rapid times in reaction to the abusive light that was sudenly in her eyes. And as she blinked once again she heard the pastors words become quiet and the glass windows dimmed into a faint outline the faded into the wonderful white light of morning.

(ok authors end note: this is not the end of the chapter I am just extremly tired but thought that I should really update today because of the day it is. I will finish it soon I promise. )


	7. Chapter 6 part 2: A Place In Life

(Authors Note: I am dreadfully sorry for not updating in 7 months. I'd use the excuse of being busy but If I did I'd be lying, and seeing as how I do not lie I will tell the truth. I have not updated due though the fact I thought my story was a failure and nobody read it. But I have been proven wrong so I have begun my work on this story yet again. So on with the show! I guess…. Oh and umm my writing might have changed a bit but that's due to the fact that I may have gotten a little better at writing. So yeah. And let's see….. I don't know how long I expect this story to be so yeah I guess it'll end when I have the perfect ending. So I hope you enjoy this chapter and the chapters to come and the past chapters haha. Well yeah I'm going to shut up now so you can read.)

Chapter 6 part 2: A place in life

The light continued to shine upon her body, engulfing her heart and body in warmth. Rose lay motionless in the bed, waiting, just waiting for her mind to wake up and bring her to the surface of reality yet again. Her eyes opened.

The door moved open slightly revealing the gleaming blue eye of the nurse. A smile spread across the young nurse's face in response to seeing Rose's open eyes.

"Aw what a lovely face to see awake and well again," the nurse's voice took on a sing song sound as she walked over to Rose's side.

"Same be to you," Rose's reply was filled with true love from her heart and feeling from her mind. "Would you help me up a moment?"

"Oh well the doct…" Rose quickly cut her off,

"I have never been one to sit and do nothing at someones command to do so. Please." She added as she reached her hand out to the nurse. The nurse slowly grasped her hand and pulled her so she was sitting upright, and then firmly grasped her shoulder and side to keep her on her feet as she Rose stood. "Thank you."

Rose walked to the window and pulled the curtains apart to gaze upon the city below her. "It's a beautiful day Red Rose." The nurse said with her sing-song voice.

"mhm," Rose replied, "I'd like to go outside, will you wake me?"

"Well I am afraid the only way I can do that it is if I get a wheelchair in here."

Rose sighed but nodded, "That being so, may you please get me a wheelchair and wheel me out?" Rose's eyes glistened with happiness, a look that had been foreign to her face for so long.

"Aw so the rose has blossomed to show her true face!" The nurse replied as she turned and walked back towards the door to retrieve a wheel chair. When alone Rose sat on the small windowsill and propped her still week body against the window frame, as she remembered that night…

The night was cold, their breath shown against the black night. The water lapped at the ships sides, the girl followed the deck to its end, to the nose of the ship, ready to meet her fate.

The young boy, about 17 or so, lay on the wooden bench that was bolted against the deck. The smoke rose from his cigarette like smoke out of a chimney in the winter keeping a family warm. The speedy footsteps stirred him from his trance. He rose and walked towards the girl whom was now hanging onto the edge of the ships nose, on the outside of the safety rail.

"Don't do it," he quietly said as he walked up behind her.

"DON'T MOVE! I'LL JUMP!" She spat at his words of persuasion

"No you won't, if you were going to jump you'd have already jumped." He said as calmly as he could to the suicidal girl."

"You don't understand." She said with the pain of being trapped inside herself showing through.

He slowly began to take off his jacket and his shows. "You know I can't back away now. You've brought me into it."

"Yes you can! You don't know me."

"But see I came over here so I am apart of it now."He paused. "If you jump I have to."

"You have to be joking the fall alone would kill you!"

"No it'd hurt, but I wouldn't die. I more scared of the water."

Her voice softened and she turned her face to look at him. "What do you mean?"

"Well once I fell into a frozen pond, and the water is so cold that you can't think, except for the pain." As their talk grew longer she took his hand and stepped over the railing. As she came over then end of the railing she fell to the deck of the boat, scared yet so happy to be alive. And so Rose met Jack.

The squeak of the door brought Rose back to the present and a smile reappeared on her face. "I can't believe it was only the day before yeterday." She said in an absent voice to the nurse who stood next to a wheelchair by the door.

"Sorry ma'am?" The nurse said as she wheeled the chair into the room.

"Hm… nothing." Rose said flatly with no emotion in her voice.

"OH," the nurse said with obvious worry in her voice, "I am supposed yo ask you by the way: what day is it and of what year?"

"It is April 15th, 1912." Rose said with so much certainty in her voice it was almost as if you asked a child what they saw, they know exactly what it is they saw but they don't pay attention to what they say it just.. comes.

"Aw I see." The nurse replied solemnly, "well then what about that walk in the garden you wanted hmm?"

"Its so good." Rose said with a distant look in her voice as she looked past the city below her to the endless ocean which lay past it.

"What is good beautiful Rose?" The nurse asked as she watched her beloved patient looking through the window, she could see Rose's eyes lost at sea, swimming with the past, she could hear the silent thumping of Rose's heart, smell the salt clinging to Rose's hair from that fateful night, she could taste the fear of the memory, feel the pain of watching as so many lives were lost, she could see Rose's soul through her eyes, she could see it all. Yet still she knew nothing, she knew not of the pain, not of the sorrow, not of the coldness, or of the smell, the taste of fate so close at mind, she only knew the look that haunted her Red Rose as she stood looking into the sea of eternity. "What is so good?" she repeated.

"Having a place in life."


	8. Chapter 7: Shadow Of The Day

(Authors not: Hello again! I know the last chapter was a bit….late… so I am going to start working on getting a chapter up hopefully like every-other day about. So yeah on to chapter 7…oh an I think I might start titling the chapters after songs idk why but I think I will oh and one more thing the ****'s all in a line are a dream or memory , if it shows up, and then the ^^'s are just time passing, again if they show up online)

Chapter 7: Shadow Of The day

The weather outside was nice, not to hot and not too cold. The se breeze swept past Rose's cheek with calming fingers that reminded her of her time on deck with the man named Jack. Her hair blew behind her as she was wheeled down the stone path in the garden which lay between the hospital entrance and cafeteria. The daisy's and the roses were in bloom around the small dolphin fountain which sat in the center of the circular path.

"It's such a pretty day out." The nurse said to break the silence between the two people.

"Yeah," Rose said more down to earth then she'd been in the hospital room just 20 minutes earlier. "The flowers are so pretty."

"The roses are almost as beautiful as you." The nurse said with a smile.

"I could never beat the beauty of a rose." Rose replied.

"Mm you may think that but it's not the truth," The nurse said and then paused beore continuing, "Well I know your name but I don't think I have properly introduced myself."

"No you haven't I only know you by the nurse," Rose said with a slight laugh inbetween her words.

The nurse laughed in response, "Well my name is Jessica."

"Hello Jessica, it is very nice to meet you." The conversation ended there and the walk was carried out in silence.

Later that night Rose was sitting up in bed propped against about 5 pillows as she had the try of hospital foot sitting in front of her, untouched. The night had fallen yet she kept the blinds open to be able to gaze at the stars reflection against the water.

The day had been boring, Jessica had come in a few times to check on how rose was doing, a couple other doctor wandered in to check her heart rate and other essential things, but other than that no one entered her room, and she had only been sitting in silence. She took in a deep breath of air and quickly exhaled it in a long painful sounding sigh. It had been about 18 days sense she sat on the door to a room in the freezing Atlantic watching the titanic go down, but as far as she knew it had only been 12 hours. The doctors had no idea why her head was stuck in the past and wouldn't move forward, all they knew was that her mind was like a broken clock, the second hand and minute hand worked yet the hour hand was stuck in one place, it ticked forward half an hour then clicked back into place on the hour it thought it should stay on.

The curtains moved with the slight breeze seeping through the small crack between the window and the wall, Rose had talked Jessica into opening the window a bit o she wouldn't burn up and so she could smell the salt that clung to the air particles from the outstretching sea. Rose lay back against the pillows as she stared out the window, with the tray of untouched foot sitting on a swing table in front of her. She turned to face the now Luke-warm soup, the cold tea and the applesauce that sat on her tray. She sighed again. _Well if I don't want to be yelled at again for not eating I might was well eat __**SOMETHING, **__even if this food is absolutely atrocious tasting. _She sighed yet again and gently picked up the metal spoon which was delicately placed next to the bowl of soup. The spoon was cold to the touch yet the soup-even being Luke-war- felt hot against her parched throat. She decided that if you got past the temperature and texture of the food it actually wasn't the worst food ever, yet still not the best. This being true she finished the rest of her stale dinner in less time it had taken her to do anything for a long time. After finishing she got up as fast as possible without getting lightheaded and falling over to move the tray to the doorway and to push the swing table to the other side of the bed so she had room to sit up farther and move around a bit easier. The next thing she knew the doctor was standing by her bed taking her temperature.

"Jessica called me the last time she came in," he said, "she told me to come quickly because you didn't respond when she tried to wake you up to get you flat so you could sleep."

This was sort of a surprise to Rose cause for all she knew she was just looking out the window. "Mm I must have fallen asleep wile looking outside."

"Oh that makes sense, it is quite an entrancing night, it would lull anyone to sleep if they looked at it for too long." He said while still checking her pulse and her temperature. "well you look well enough to me, I'll let you get back to sleep. Would like me to move the pillows so you can be a little more comfortable?"

"No thank you, I think I'd like to be able to still the ocean."

"Very well. Good night madam." He said with a smile.

"Goodnight." She replied and returned his warm smile, as he walked out the door and softly closing it without a sound behind himself.

The room was once again silent, and the stars reflection twinkled on the surface of the water, moving back an fourth with the movement of the waves. The night air was cold and crisp, while the warmth in the room over powered it, but Rose felt a cool breeze wisp across her cheek like a spirit, or an angel kissing her cheek. The room was dark only the moons light lit the dark corners reveling medical equipment's outlines and the light shadows that lay under the window. It was such a beautiful night, so peaceful and cold. A mirror image of the night Rose had seen so many deaths of those whom she loved, and of those she'd never met. While thinking of her mother's face- with even as much hate that she help for her mother- she fell into a deep sleep………………..

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The water was silent, the people were silent, everything was silent. Roses eyes were refusing to open; her hands were frozen to the hands of the one she loved, who hung over the door in the water. Her breath froze as soon as it hit the air, even with as little moisture in it as there was.

Rose finely was able to open her eyes and she looked around the ocean, seeing small glow of lanterns of the life boats that floated nearby. The people where dark spots in the water, the boats only floating beacons of hope, the only hope Rose had of living through this.

The night sky was dark and the stars reflected against the water, all Rose could think of was the pain that surrounded her body from the cold. The cold shot through her veins faster than a bullet through air, nothing could stop it, nothing could keep it from its target.

"Please," She wheezed at the single boat that moved in her direction. Her breathe froze with contact with the air, her voice a small wisp of breathe no louder then a pin hitting a carpeted floor in the middle of a party, "please." She wheezed again as tears came to her eyes. They froze before they could roll down her cheek. She blinked a couple ten or twenty times trying to warm the frozen droplets of water in the corner of her eyes. They dug into her eye like small blades of glass from a broken window.

The boat moved through the water slowly, searching; for life, for movement, for a sign of survivors. There were three men in the boat. One in the back directing the movements through the water, one was rowing the boat with gentle movements of the ore, and the third man stood at the front leaning over the edge lifting bodies out of the way of the nose of the boat, and checking them all to see if they were alive.

"They're all dead," The man in the front said to the man in the back.

"KEEP CHECKING!" He called back, "we can't miss any of them." "Careful with the ores, don't hit them," he added.

The bodies surrounded them. Mothers holding their children close to their breasts, holding onto their meaning of life, sacrificing themselves for the lives of their young ones- yet it wouldn't help they all died. Men held their loves giving all their little warmth to save their girls for at least a few more minutes,- yet they all still lay still in the waters of death. Children's eyes lay open, big and staring, as if looking for the light that they were told about by parents whom tried to explain death. Grandparents lay on their backs waiting to die, knowing that it was their time and that there was nothing to do about it, and so they lay in eternals rest. They all lay near each other all lay there waiting for the hope they knew they didn't have, the life they knew they had already left. And so the men moved through: checking.

Rose's eyes were closed. She held onto jacks hand like there was nothing else in the world that mattered, only keeping his hand in her own. Her breathing was almost nonexistent, it moved her chest so little that she was still. The air out of her mouth did nothing but move into the sky. As the light of the boat came closer her eyes began to flutter open. Rose lay still on the slab of hand carved wood that was once a door into the main dining room, while Jack hung by his hand still in hers. She closed her eyes as she struggled to scream her scream crawled up her throat but her mind and body made her hold it back. She heard them even now in the silence; people sinking, screaming, sobbing, reaching out for help, for security. But there was no one. She saw only the black of her closed eyelids. She opened her eyes to see complete stillness, still and silent people, she looked for help that wasn't there. She longed for the warmth that would never fill her body again. The scream in her throat grew to heavy for her to hold back, but when it was released all that could be heard was a whimper. A peep, a mere whisper against the black background of agony, of pain. Jacks face was pale, lifeless, frozen in time. Rose touched his cheek with her cold hands, and he stirred, he looked in her eyes as tears swam down her cheeks.

"_It's too late! Nothing will be ok! It's over, JACK!! Why? Please…." _Her voice faded into the screams an empty voice among the hundreds of screaming thrashing bodies. And everything was still………

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Her tears were small and silent. Less severe than the last time she had that dream. That scared her. She was scared she was forgetting what had happened, or worse she understood it was time for her to move on, to keep it in her memory and not in her life. Like the beauty of the shadow of the day; the reds and the yellows, oranges and pinks, all blended together making the perfect close to the day. And like the shadow of the day the beauty, the wonder of it all, even the sadness of it all, it fades to the black of midnight, like the shadow of the day she feared her memory would fade away.


End file.
